behind already

I got a bit off track after being sick, but I'm updating tonight which is already an improvement.

Tyler was home this weekend which I started off being sick, but by Saturday night I was well enough to be there for a boys night. It was fun, I played beer pong and wasn't awful, but definitely wasn't great (maybe that's a game you need to be drunk to play well?)
Sunday I made mahi mahi in a delicious orange ginger glaze, mmmm.... and we all went over to Angee's to watch the last episode of AHS Freak Show.

Yesterday I was extremely over whelmed all day, bordering on dissociation. Jared's mom wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday, so we went to Jumbo China for sushi <3 a="" afterward="" and="" at="" because="" could="" did="" find="" i="" if="" jared="" later="" mask="" more="" ollies="" on="" see="" sleep="" stopped="" style="font-weight: bold;" that="" they="" to="" wanted="">not
 find a sleep mask, but I did find a nice little mat to put under Honey's water bowl since her favorite game is "lets fling water out of our bowl until the rug is soaked" but I decided it wasn't absorbent enough and instead I'm using it for big Daddy's food so he doesn't have to eat on the cold cement. So far he's been standing next to it to eat.

On the ride home I felt almost like I was about to have little neck twitch, but instead I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head and felt myself leave my body. It only lasted a few seconds if that, but when I came back to my body I felt like I had just woken up. I wasn't overwhelmed anymore and everything felt oddly.... normal? I keep waiting for it to come back, that overwhelmed feeling, like the entire world is carrying on around me but I'm absent. I've grown so used to that feeling that I just don't believe it's really gone for good. Regardless I'm enjoying the time I have without it.

Today I was very productive, I cleaned my fish tank and brought in all 7 of the outside fish, Tuna is thrilled. After that Jared picked me up and we went grocery shopping at Aldi. It was so easy with a present mind, I don't think I forgot anything! When we got back and unloaded the groceries he had a therapy appointment, so I split up the chicken before freezing and got the pizza ready so it would be mostly done when he got home.... well and played a bit of Halo ;)

Positive thoughts. I need to enjoy the good times, live in the present.... and if the bad feelings return remember the good times, and remind myself it will pass again. PTSD is a roller coaster so I will have ups and downs, just don't give up during the downs;