Think.

I still haven't been great at updating.... but that's not what this post is about.
I needed a place to rant.

I run a cat rescue.... it may not be Non profit certified or "official" yet, but that only because that takes a few hundred dollars and all my money has gone to saving lives... so somehow a piece of paper from the government just doesn't seem that pressing right now.
No, it doesn't pay... at least not in money. It pays in warm fuzzy hugs. It pays in face rubs. It pays in purrs. It pays in smiles when an adopter first meets their new family member. It pays in happy updates... it pays in the most rewarding ways, I cannot describe the happiness, love, and pride that fills you when you first get to pet a feral cat after months or longer of gaining their trust. More important than all that even, it saved my life. I have been struggling for a while now, it's no secret. This gives me a purpose. This makes me feel fulfilled. This makes me feel useful. On the days I forget all that... on the days I'm struggling again, I have too many cats relying on me to ever give up on life.

What I do is hard work. I have trespassed, crawled through garbage, squeezed into a shed entirely too small for me to carry kittens to safety before it gets too cold for them. I have run barefoot through the snow because a quick feeding led to me hearing a cat in distress somewhere in the distance. I have stayed up all night force feeding sick kittens. I have rushed to the emergency vet because of sick kittens. I have caught multiple trap shy or too sick cats with snuggies. I have rushed a very sick and injured cat to the emergency vet at 5am and made very tough decisions when the vet called back with more information. I have spent countless hours working with feral cats who have no reason to trust a human... that cat you decided you didn't want anymore and asked for my help with? You sit back and don't give it a send thought.... I post tirelessly hoping the right person will see it. When facebook returns no help I resort to craigslist, a much more complicated source of adopters where you gut instinct is the MOST important screening tool. After months of trying to rehome your 14yr old cat you get angry with me for not getting this cat out of your home yet... then when I find a home you refuse to lift a finger, so I must find a ride to your house, let myself in, coax the cat who has never met me into the carrier, and take the cat to it's new home which is even more out of my way... I have given kitten enemas more times that I can count. I have been peed on, pooped on, puked on. I have had to change my sheets at 5am because the kittens figured out how to climb in bed with me but are not old enough to fully understand the litter box or control their bladders. I have had to figure out food allergies. I have administered countless dewormers and antibiotics. I have trimmed nails, brushed fur, and cut mats. I have been attacked and accidentally clawed. I have literally put my blood sweat and tears into this. I have done more than most people would even think of doing...

so please, don't disrespect me by asking if I want to do something with animals for a living.... I'm sorry I'm not in it for the money. I'm sorry my brain can see things more valuable than money. I'm sorry a life is worth more to me. Except I'm not sorry.... because if more people even cared half as much as I do about their own cats we wouldn't have this problem in the first place. I'm sorry you can't comprehend that a life is worth more than money. I'm sorry you don't see that by working more hours to get more money you're giving yourself less time to enjoy that money.... making it all pointless. I'm sorry you are stuck in society's ideals and that you can't see there is so much more. I'm sorry I can't open your eyes and show you that it's not money that makes you rich, but the things you experience during life. On my death bed I won't be thinking "man I wish I had more money" I'll be looking back at all the kitty lives I saved. All the joy I brought to people by introducing them to their new furry family member.

would I like more money? of course.... but it's not everything to me. Ideally would I love to make this a registered nonprofit some day? Sure, I could probably get more donations that way since it would be more "trusted"
I have big dreams, and I will achieve them. Someday I'll be a non profit. Someday I'll be on the payroll... because if I'm earning a living I can afford to do more for the cats. I'd like to live on a farm so I can take in lots of ferals and give them a nice barn for shelter. I'd like to have a spare room or two for fostering. I'd like to have enough space to never turn away a cat...

so sure, this may seem like a joke to you now... but someday I'll be the one laughing, me and that cat you got rid of after it had kittens and you decided to keep one of the kittens instead. We'll be laughing and our heart will be full of love.